Writing has always come somewhat naturally to me. My mom instilled a love of reading in all her children from an early age, then bloodied my papers for school before my teachers even got a chance. If she were still with us, I’m sure she would be glad to know that her ruthlessness when it came to writing skills served some purpose, though I know for a fact that my subject matter – sports – would raise her eyebrows a bit. She never did understand that about me.

But writing with kids is a brand new challenge, and one I haven’t yet mastered. I have, however, started a quick tutorial for anyone considering such a career path.

Step 1: Arrange an interview.

Step 2: Bail on it, because kids.

Step 3: Arrange the interview again, but this time, either feed the baby first or hide in a soundproof closet. Expect some level of demolition to have begun in your living room in your absence. You’re fine. Everything is fine.

Step 4: While everyone is otherwise occupied, let the thought cross your mind to begin writing. This sends a silent signal to the children that they suddenly need you. All of them. All at once.

Step 5: Were we doing this in steps?

Step 6: All needs being satisfied, find the computer from where you hid it last. Begin new document. Type the first sentence.

Step 7: You are needed again.

Step 8: Erase everything that was added without authorization by an errant child. Control + Z is your best friend.

Step 10: Settle the kids in front of the TV. Feed the baby. Again. Continue outlining your story in your head.

Step 9: You are needed again.

Step 10: Write like mad.

Step 11: Upon further review, change your first sentence or six.

Step 12: The baby just won’t sleep. Pick him up. Continue writing with one hand. It’s not that hard.

Step 13: You are needed again. Realize that you forgot Step 9. Then realize that you did Step 9, because it’s the same as the second Step 9 because it’s the same thing you’re doing now.

Step 14: Where were we again?

Step 15: The baby is sleeping. Find the darkest bedroom in the house and lay him down. You have 3 minutes and 47 seconds to use both hands to type. Go.

Step 16: The baby is awake and everyone needs snacks.

Step 17: Write like mad. 

Step 18: You made it. And also, you are needed.